Hunter x Hunter Whose Line
by Pan - The Wolf Made Of Bread
Summary: Pan steals the HxH characters.. and a Whose Line Is It Anyway stage? Grab your tickets and find a seat, this is going to be one WILD ride! Flames and Criticism welcome. Currently on hold until my computer stops killing itself.
1. Whose Line Is It Anyway Episode 1

Disclaimer

Pan: I've stolen the characters from their natural habitat and now force them to say the disclaimer FOR me! Gon gets to go first!

Gon: Pan-chan does NOT own HxH or it's characters. She owns us as much as she can without having licensed rights over us!

Killua: P

Pan: Hehe.. :D –ruffles Killua's hair-

This first chapter is dedicated to my good friend Ari, for without her I never would have started this fic.

And to those of you that are waiting for me to update my Assassin's Assassin story.. It's a long chapter, or at least planned to be. I've been busy with school and band and football season and I've had writer's block for that story for, like, EVER. Dx!

--- --- --- ---

"Ow, stop stepping on my foot!"

"Sorry.."

The lights suddenly flipped on, and four young men found themselves in the middle of a stage, and an empty stage at that.

The blonde one was the first to stand up and look around. "Where are we?"

"Gon, get off of me!" The silver-haired boy yelled at the boy on top of him.

"I would, Killua, but Leorio is sitting on my back!"

"Oi, Ojisan, get off!"

"Keep your pants on, Killua. Kurapika, a little help?"

Kurapika rushed to the aid of his friends, but he was stopped by the sudden appearance of a young woman in front of them. She grinned happily as Kurapika stopped in his tracks. Her silver haired flowed freely, nearly touching the ground. Her ivory skin gleamed in the artificial lighting of the stage. Her clothing was entirely black.

"Hello there!" She pipped.

Kurapika backed up. "Eh.. did you bring us here!?" The girl nodded.

"Yes, I did! I want you for my show! I mean, you guys are awesome!"

Killua smirked as Gon finally removed himself from the Zaoldyeck's back. "Obviously."

"Alright, let's get to it!"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Hello, and welcome to WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY! Tonight's cast are OSUWARI, Killua Zaoldyeck!"

The studio erupted into cheers. Killua smirked and waved at the audience.

".. LOVE-LOVE-ZURA, Kurapika!"

More cheers. Kurapika waved.

" DATTEBAYO, Gon Freecss!"  
Instead of cheers, the entire studio went "Awww" as Gon waved at the crowd with both hands.

"And finally, IT'S OVER 9000!! Leorio!"  
The studio got quiet. Leorio glared.

"I'm your host Pan Pokurana! How this show goes is I tell these people what to do and they make up stuff off the top of their heads based on that. I award points after each game and choose a winner that gets to sit at my desk while the losers have some fun with me." Pan winked and laughed. The cast cringed. "But it's just me playing favorites because the points don't matter! That's right, the points don't matter, just like side-plots."

Pan grinned as the audience clapped. "Anyway, the first game we're going to do is two-line vocabulary! Step up Killua, Gon and Leorio!"

The three boys walked over to the stage. "Killua, you can say whatever you want. Gon, Leorio, you are limited to two lines only. Gon, you will be saying GIMME, GIMME, GIMME and Ew, what's that!? Leorio, you are limited to Ohh, can I touch it? And That's bad, isn't it?"

Pan stared at the clock. "Go."

Killua was busy pacing the floor. "Those morons, they shoulda been back with the plans.."

Leorio perked up. "That's bad, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is bad. I think I'll have a chocolate bar." Killua said, opening an imaginary snickers.

"GIMME, GIMME, GIMME!" Gon yelled, reaching for the 'chocolate.' Killua jerked his hands away.

"No, Gon, this is mine!" Killua snapped.

"Oooh, can I touch it?" Leorio said, hopping like a school girl.

Killua glared at Leorio. "No, you may not."

Gon flinched. "Ew, what's that!"

"This is chocolate!" Killua yelled, shaking the bar. "See!?"

"That's bad, isn't it?" Leorio said.

"NO. SHUT UP."

"Ew, what's that?" Gon said, pointing at Killua.

"That's my face. And I'll have you know it's not disgusting."

"Ooh, can I touch it?" Leorio grinned.

Pan buzzed the button and the three of them went back to their seats. "Awesome first run, guys. Leorio gets 1000 for that last line. Everyone else gets 500 points, even Kurapika."

"But he didn't do anything!" Killua objected.

Pan stuck out her tongue. "Dare ye defy me?" Killua slinked back to his seat.

"This next game is called Let's Make A Date. Killua, you are a bachelor on a dating type show and we give the other three strange quirks or personalities that you have to guess bye asking romantic questions." Pan tossed Kurapika, Leorio and Gon their personalities and then proceeded to open up a small cup of raspberry yogurt.

Killua clambered onto his stool. "I'm, like, SO excited!" He said, flipping his hair. "O-kay! Bachelor number one! I LOVE food, if I could be a food I'd probably be chocolate. What kind of food would YOU be?"

Leorio was Ponzu. "Hmm, probably honey." He said in a high voice. "It's sweet and really easy to make, seeing as I have an entire hat full of friends to make it for me!"

"Mm, honey. Bachelor number 2!" Killua said He heard a faint "Yes" from Gon. "If we were to go out on a date, where would you take me?"

Gon was a deranged, claustrophobic, psycho killer. (That will be amazing to see HIM pull off.) "Well.. I'd take you out to someplace… desolate and open. And then I'd.. TAKE OUT A KNIFE AND REMOVE YOUR INTESTINES!"

Killua was taken aback. "I'm sorry, what?"

"I mean, we'd have a picnic!" Gon said quickly.

Killua stood silent for a moment. "Okay! Bachelor number three!"

Kurapika was trying to claw his way to fame by stealing the Whose Line desk. "Yes?" Kurapika said, standing up.

"I enjoy late-night serenades. If you were to sing to me, what song would you sing?" Killua said, keeping his annoying high-pitched voice.

By the time Killua had finished his question, Kurapika had lifted Pan out of the chair and sat down. "I'd probably sing this." Kurapika pushed down on the buzzer, causing it to sound wildly.

"How dreamy." Killua said. Pan made and attempt at pushing Kurapika out of the chair.

"Move over, this is MY show now!" Kurapika snapped. The audience gasped.

"Alright." Pan laughed. "Can you guess who they are?"

"I have no clue who Leorio is supposed to be, so I'll straight to Gon." Gon looked at Killua expectantly. "He's a stalker that's out to get me."

"Close. There was a clue in his response. Some kind of phobia.."

"…… fear of.. umm.. Enclosed.. spaces?" Killua said slowly.

"Yeah, close enough." Pan buzzed. Gon scampered off to his chair.

"Kurapika seems to have usurped the Whose Line desk."

"And you are absolutely right." Kurapika helped Pan off the floor and the girl climbed back into her chair, Kurapika running off to reseat himself.

"And who is Leorio?" Pan asked, grinning.

"I still have no clue." Killua shrugged.

"He's Ponzu from the Hunter Exam. I guess you never met her." Pan explained. Gon jumped up and down at his seat.

"Oh, I remember her!!" Gon yelled ecstatically.

"Alright, 1000 points to Killua, Gon and Kurapika. 500 to Leorio because your impression of Ponzu SUCKED. And it's time to go onto one of my favorite games, Scenes from a Hat!" She motioned for the four boys to come down to the stage.

"How this works is I have the audience write down suggestions for scenes they want to see acted out. I take the good ones, put them in the hat and draw them at random, and our actors, well, act them! The first slip is.." Pan pulled a slip. "The kinds of stuffed toys Killua sleeps with at night!"

Killua froze and then glared at Pan. Leorio stepped up to the stage. The pretended to hold something large, then pulled an imaginary string to make a sound like a chainsaw. The audience clapped. Then Gon walked up.

"Mooom, where's my stuffed bunny!?" He yelled. Killua turned his glare to Gon.

Pan buzzed and pulled another slip.

"What the person opposite of you does in their free time.."

Kurapika stepped up. "Welcome to the new TV Sitcom, _How to be an Assassin._" Kurapika grinned.

Killua stepped up to the stage, opposite Leorio. Killua then proceeded to bash his head in with an imaginary wooden board. Leorio crossed his arms over his chest and stepped up.

"God, I love my hair.. so nice and shiny." Leorio pretended to style hair.

"By the way, I think that'd be something Illumi was more likely to do." Killua huffed. Pan buzzed out the actors.

"Alright, If you were king of the world.. Oh dear.."

Killua stepped up. "Bow down, all of you! Worship my haircut!" Killua pointed at the ground and grinned.

Kurapika stood up. "It's time for my Intellectuals of the World meeting. Better not be late.."

Pan buzzed them out. "Alright, time to move on. 10 points to everyone, and tonight's winner is Kurapika!"

Kurapika went back over to the desk and sat down. "Read the card, Kurapika." Pan said.

"Looks like we get to do a hoedown! How this works is that the four of you make up a song four lines at a time based on a specific topic. Let's get a topic from our audience!"

"Fanficion!"

"Pasta!"

"Fangirls!"

"Fangirls! When the music starts, feel free to start!" As the music started, the cast danced around a bit before Killua stepped up.

_"I was walking down the street one day to the Dairy Queen. _

_I heard squealing behind me, it made such a scene. _

_As I turned around someone yelled for me to duck; _

_The fangirls came at me as I yelled "Oh, WHAT THE BLEEP "_

Gon grinned and followed up, beginning his part.

_"I was with Killua when the fangirls chased him down. _

_But I snuck away, oh I didn't make a sound. _

_They stripped Killua naked and they sold his clothes on Ebay._

_I bought them all and gave them to him for his birthday!"_

Pan laughed as Gon went back to his spot and cleared her throat, stepping up.

"_There's nothing worse than fangirls, that is what I say.  
_

_I go to school with lots of them, tolerate them every day!  
_

_But I guess I have to come clean, and spread the honest truth. _

_I'm pro__ud to be a fangirl, and.. um.. I've got a sweet tooth!"_

Leorio stepped up when Pan was done.

"_I wish I had some fangirls, like Killua and Gon. _

_It'd really be great to be chased around. _

_You may think me crazy, but I swear I'm not kidding. _

_Even Hisoka has fangirls that would do his bidding!"_

Kurapika buzzed them out.

"That's it for our show! Read and review and I swear we'll send you a great gift basket! Please send in your suggestions for the nest Whose Line and I'll see what I can do."

- - - Read and Review! - - -


	2. Whose Line Is It Anyway Episode 2

Disclaimer:

Pan: Kurapika's turn!

Kurapika: But we're not even in this episode..

Pan: SHHHH!

Kurapika/sigh/ Okay.. Pan does not own HxH or it's characters. She's trying to win rights over myself, Killua and Gon, but she keeps getting refused..

Pan: Stupid lawyers.. Warning.. this chapter contains a high amount of OOCness.. then again, which chapter won't? FANGIRLS, READ. AT. YOUR. OWN. RISK.

And sorry for the long update time.. I have no excuse. Dx

"Hello and welcome back to WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY! By request, tonight's cast are ROFLMAO, Hisoka!"

Hisoka smirked and waved playfully as the audience broke into cheers.

".. OMGWTFBBQ, Kuroro Lucifer!"

Kuroro waved and the cheers continued.

"STFU AND GTFO, Illumi Zaoldyeck!"

The audience cheered loudly, particularly a few girls. Illumi retained his usual poker face and Pan wondered if the assassin could even crack a joke. Well, if he sucked, it wasn't her fault.

"LOL, Silva Zaoldyeck!"

The silver-haired assassin smiled somewhat and waved at the audience.

"I'm your host Pan Pokurana, and I am NERVOUS about having so many killers on the show!" Hisoka laughed from his chair. "If you don't know how this show works I'll probably have you assassinated. These guys are going to ATTEMPT to be funny based off what I tell them to do, from suggestions on the cards. After each game I award points that are just about as valuable as a Continental Dollar. That's right, they don't mean a thing, just like sensibility to Gon.

Meanwhile, Kurapika, Killua, Gon and Leorio sat in the audience. Gon heard his name, but didn't really get the comment. Killua was tense, a bit worried at how both his father AND older brother were on the show. Kurapika was the same way, except reacting more to Kuroro.

The cast chuckled. Well, all of them minus Illumi.

"I suggest we get started. We're going to pull out the game Superheroes, starring.. ILLUMI!" Pan giggled. Hisoka, Silva and Kuroro walked to the side of the stage while Illumi walked into the middle, his expression never changing.

"Illumi, you're going to start out. As soon as Hisoka or one of them other guys pops in, you have to name him off and try to screw them up." Illumi nodded. "What we need from the audience is the name of an unlikely Superhero!"

"Manwoman!"

"The Tickler!"

"I like the Tickler." Pan laughed. Illumi looked off in another direction, as if he were embarrassed at how he had to ack. "Okay, we need a crisis!"

"Everyone lost their tickle spots!"

Pan laughed. "Okay! Tickler, everyone in the world has lost their tickle spots! What are you going to do!?"

Illumi's expression changed somewhat, a bit more cheerful. "What a wonderful day this is going to be," Pan's jaw dropped. "I think I'll check my Crisis Meter!" Beeeep! Beeep! "Oh my god! There are no more tickle spots!?" Illumi sounded shocked. "I hope my friends get here soon.."

Silva jumped onto the stage. "Sorry I'm late!" His deep voice boomed across the studio.

"Thank God, it's Captain Hair!" Illumi gasped.

"What's the problem?" Silva asked, eyeing the Crisis meter while at the same time running his fingers through his long silver hair. The audience giggled. Illumi, much to the surprise and humor of the audience, attempted to tickle his father in the stomach. Silva was not amused.

"There are no more tickle spots!" Illumi cried. Silva looked down at his son.

"Yes, I can see that."

Hisoka leapt onto the stage. "I'm here." He grinned.

"Thank the Lord, it's the Tragic Clown." Hisoka's grin turned into a very sad frown.

"Yes.. it is I.." Hisoka sounded depressed. He walked off to a corner and began to sob.

"Hey, don't you even want to know the crisis?" Silva asked impatiently, all while combing his hair.

"There's no point.." Hisoka said sadly.

Kuroro walked on stage. "I'm sorry I am late." He said suavely.

"Oh jooooy. It's Rolls-Randomly-On-The-Floor-Whenever-He-Can Man." Hisoka sobbed. At that moment, Kuroro sighed. He dropped to the floor and rolled across the stage. Illumi backed out of his way while Silva jumped over the rolling man.

"People, come on!" Illumi cried. "We need to get the tickle spots back!" The audience giggled, especially his fangirls. Hisoka wailed backstage and Kuroro rolled into the piano, swearing loudly as he got back up, nursing the wound on his head.

"Why don't you just find another one? OBVIOUSLY the tickle spots have changed." Kuroro said sourly, rolling across the stage and off of it, again hurting himself as he dropped two and a half feet down.

"I have to go ruin a children's party by making sad animals.." Hisoka said, crying. He sauntered slowly off-stage.

"I'm late for my appointment down at the hair salon." Silva jumped away, leaving Illumi alone.

"Another crisis solved! Now, to discover Captain Hair's new hidden tickle spot!" Illumi said triumphantly.

Pan pressed down on the buzzer. "You were AMAZING Illumi-kun! One-billion points to Illumi! The rest of you get minus 500 because you all SUCK!"

Kuroro, Hisoka and Silva narrowed their eyes at their hostess. "But I love ya'll anyway." The girl grinned.

"Our next game is PARTY QUIRKS! How this works is Hisoka will be hosting a party, while the other three get a strange quirk or identity and Hisoka has to guess who they are as the skit goes on." Pan handed Illumi, Silva and Kuroro their cards. "Start when you feel like it, Hisoka!"

Hisoka was pretending to be on the phone, trying various finger foods. "Games? Oh, we'll be playing tons. What, strip poker?" Hisoka grinned. "I'll see what I can do."

Ding dong! Ding dong! Hisoka hung up the 'phone' and ran over to the 'door,' letting Illumi in. "Hey Illumi." Hisoka said playfully. "I'm glad you could make it."

"So am I." Illumi was slowly regressing down the evolutionary scale. 

Illumi suddenly slouched down a bit, then a bit more, as he walked across the floor.

Hisoka eyed him. "Might want to get a posture straightener.." He pointed out. Illumi glared at his friend.

Ding dong! Ding dong!

Hisoka ran to the door and opened it. "Hey, welcome to the party." He grinned. Kuroro walked in.

Kuroro was trying to figure out where Hisoka hides the bodies.

Kuroro looked under the table. "Nothing here.." Hisoka eyed Kuroro curiously.

"What are you looking for?"

Kuroro glanced up at Hisoka. "I KNOW YOU KILLED THEM." He yelled. Hisoka raised an eyebrow.

"Might want to try decaffeinated tomorrow." Hisoka said simply. Kuroro went about his way on stage, checking under every crevice.

"Yo man, stop touchin' me there. I don't walk down that path, you dig?" Illumi said, making an odd face as Kuroro inspected Illumi's clothing, poking and prodding. The odd face probably came from how he sounded talking like someone from the 60s.

"I'm watching you." Kuroro glared. She stalked off away from Illumi, rolled his eyes and decided to gorge himself on the imaginary foods.

Ding dong, ding dong! Hisoka ran over to his door again to welcome Silva into his home.

Silva, who happened to be Hisoka's mother-in-law coming to see how he and his wife Illumi have been, walked in, a look of disgust on his face.

"Ugh!" He sneered. "What a shabby little hut you have here." Hisoka glared.

"Why you ugly son of a- KURORO, what the HELL are you doing!?" Silva looked down at Kuroro, who was now inspecting Silva's clothing.

"They seem big enough to hide stuff in! I'll get you yet. I SWEAR IT!" Kuroro hissed.

"Why did I even INVITE you!?" Hisoka snapped. "I'm telling you, you are going to find any evidence in MY house!" Kuroro frowned as Pan smacked her buzzer.

Kuroro walked up to his chair and sat down, disappointed that he was guessed out first.

Silva frowned. "God, letting hooligans into the house? Shameful!" Silva whapped Hisoka on the nose with a made-up paper and walked over to Illumi. "Hey honey!"

Illumi, whom was now crouched down in a primitive position, pretending to apparently rip flesh from a meatstick, looked up, cocked his head to the side, and went back to his meal, ripping ferociously at the air.

Silva stepped back, totally horrorstruck. "What have you been doing to my poor baby you shameful brute!?"

"Look lady, it's not my fault Illumi is a monkey!" Hisoka frowned.

Pan buzzed out. "Alright, we're running out of time. Do you know who they are?"

"I'm guessing that Illumi is a monkey." Hisoka shrugged. Pan narrowed her eyes.

"He was a 60s dude earlier. What do you call THAT?"

"…. Evolution?" Hisoka asked. Pan frowned and buzzed Illumi out. "Close enough. Jeez, Hisoka-san, I figured you were smarter."

Hisoka sighed, probably trying to decide whether to kill his hostess now or later.

"And what about Silva?"

"I'm going to guess that's he's an envious mother." Hisoka said. Pan facepalmed.

"Close enough." She buzzed. "He's your mother-in-law, checking in to see how you and your lovely wife Illumi are doing. "

Illumi and Hisoka glared at their fanfic-inspired host. Pan threw her hands up apologetically. "I couldn't resist."

The cast went back to their seats.

"And now for everyone's favorite game, SCENES FROM A HAT!" Pan pulled out a paper-filled hat and set it on her desk. "What we do is we look to our brilliant audience for suggestions on what to do during the show. We take the worthwhile ones, put them in this hat and force the cast to appease you."

The audience laughed. "Alright, our first slip is… Christmas Carols that aren't that festive."

Silva stepped into the stage. "Reeeed and greeen, the blood of painful diarrhea. Reeed and gree-" Pan smashed her hand against the buzzer.

"THANK YOU for that lovely song, Silva." Pan's left eye twitched.

Hisoka stepped onto the stage. "Siiiilent niiight. HOLE-Y NIGHT!" Hisoka laughed in the middle of his song. Pan raised a brow and buzzed him out, the magician walking back to his side of the stage.

"You guys are nuts." Pan commented. Hisoka laughed from his seat.

"Next one.. What Budget Cuts for the HxH cast would mean.."

Hisoka stepped up and pulled up some cards. He tossed one at the wall, then quickly ran to the card as it fell, swiping it up with his hand and 'taping' it to the wall. Pan giggled.

"Yes, that would happen." Pan buzzed Hisoka. Kuroro walked to the middle.

"All right, cue the cardboard cut-out of the Nen fish!" The audience burst out into laughter.

Illumi stepped up. "Due to recent budget cuts, we've had to make changes. From now on, each character will be played by a finacially desperate woman. And not only that, but the SAME woman will play each role."

"Alright.." Pan took out another slip. "Unlikely pairings that fangirls might rave about."

The boys on stage were silent as girls in the audience snickered teasingly. They looked at each other nervously, then Hisoka went on stage, laughed like a madman. "Silva, I have no clue WHO you are, but I LOVE YOU!" After this he broke down, falling to the floor as he laughed loudly.

Silva raised a brow, backing up slowly.

Illumi walked into the middle of the stage, Hisoka throwing a laughing fit behind him.

"What about a Nobunaga/Gon/Killua threesome? He seems to like them." Illumi looked thoughtful for a moment, then the two boys in the audience voiced their disgust.

"That's disgusting, Illumi!" Killua stood up, enraged.

"Now now, Kil, this is just a game, yes?" Illumi shrugged. "Perhaps you don't want someone interfering with you and Gon?"

Killua glowered at his older brother. Gon looked on at both of them, confused.

"Okay, before a fight breaks out, I'll announce our winner. Step up the desk, ILLUMI-KUN!" Pan side-stepped the desk and Illumi walked over to it, sitting down. "This was obvious…" Pan said, laughing.

"I'm guessing the game is going to be 'Props'" Illumi said, holding the card. "Yes. How this goes it you give us props. I'm paired with Kuroro and Hisoka gets Silva because apparently, Hisoka LOVES him."

Illumi searched the side of the desk, pulling out two foam baseball bats and a giant letter Q. He tosses the bats at Kuroro and Pan, and the Q at Hisoka and Silva.

"On my mark, GO!" Illumi said.

Pan put the two baseball bats under her arms and pretended they were crutches. "See what you did to me, you moron!?" Pan whacked Kuroro with one of the foam bats.

Hisoka held up the Q. "Tonight on 'Bad Influences on Toddlers' is THE LETTER Q!"  
Silva began to dance. "Example: This sentence doesn't have a Q in it. Wait.. DAMN IT!"

Kuroro threw the bats across the stage. They landed limply on the floor. Pan blinked. "This isn't what I had in mind when they said "Bats." He said, shaking his head.

Next, Hisoka was beating Silva with the Q. "This will teach you for cheating at tennis!" Silva was crying at he was getting beaten.

"And there's the pitch!" Kuroro said, throwing a ball. "Pan SWINGS her bat, misses, and the game ends!" Pan swung the bat, letting it go and it soared through the air, whacking Kuroro in the face.

Silva began to wiggle his Q around. "This, children, is how babies are made. See, when this Q meets an O.."

Illumi buzzed everyone out. "I think that was enough for now. You bad humour gives me a headache."

Pan waved to the audience. "Well, that's our show. Toon in next week.. month.. fortnight.."

:3


End file.
